I want to talk about the power of a scream.
Stick with me, if your inner critic just came up saying, “No Nikol! Screams are loud and disruptive and terrible! They are no good for anything and I just wish they would stop!”
I get it. Which is why I’m reaching out today.
We seem to have an abundance of screaming happening right now. This could be your child screaming, a loved one, or someone on the news erupting from another atrocity.
Most of all, I imagine you feel like a part of you inside is screaming and has been for a long time now. It’s not just the outside world, it’s your inner world.
But did you know that the scream is a power tool? Did you know a scream can actually transform a moment from terror to deep relief and love?
Let me outline how and then offer a simple practice for you to use.
Recently an email caught my attention with the title, “Why Is My Toddler Screaming?” As a waiting pre-adoptive mother, I’ve been soaking up tons of books, podcasts, and workshops in preparation. I opened the email to read of a mother named Kate Orson sharing her transformative experience with her toddler who went from screaming every morning to completely stopping.
“I realized that perhaps I was interpreting my toddler’s screaming all wrong. She wasn’t screaming because she wanted her breakfast quicker, or because she wanted me to do things for her. She was screaming for connection.”
Kate then went on to share she received some empathy, and listening time from a trusted person who allowed her to fully share all her frustrations and feelings around her child screaming. Then she wrote,
“Now I knew there was a deeper reason behind the screaming. I stopped rushing around in the mornings. Instead when she screamed, I moved in slowly and carefully picked her up. I offered eye contact and connection. she arched her back, and immediately started to cry, letting out the tension in her body.
This period of my toddler screaming really helped me understand what it means to closely connect. To stop the rush of trying to get things done, and instead just meet the needs of my child. This way of slowing down to connect was something I really had to unlearn. In the rush of my busy life, this deep, mindful connection doesn’t always come easily, especially when my own feelings are in the way. But it’s what our children need, to feel safe to show us their feelings.”
There was so much wisdom in Kate’s words, but the two things I want to really bring forward are that when her baby received connection, she could actually release the tension IN her body and that what our “children” or our “inner child” actually needs is to feel safe to show their feelings.
You have a multitude within you. You have very young parts that are screaming for connection. One of the largest karmic themes playing out in this time in our history is isolation. The other is speed.
It’s a toxic combination that leaves you powerless.
Between all the messaging telling you to hurry up and BE there already, to have the perfect life, relationship and career and then all the fear mongering telling you you are NOT safe, it’s a lot.
So you want to scream. But what if this desire is actually a cry for connection? What if all that energy is really just wanting to return to love?
Here is a practice for you.
- Create a container for safety. This can be with a loved one, therapist, coach, healer or very close friend. Let them know you just want to vent and you don’t want to be “fixed”. This is purely a space for you to process all that is alive. Pick one thing that you really want to scream about. If you don’t have someone in your life who can hold this kind of sacred space for you, then open your journal and light some incense or a candle to create the space for yourself.
- Allow yourself to fully unload. Speak out or write out all that is on your heart, no matter if you feel it is “inappropriate” or “not nice” or “selfish”.
- Now feel the sensations in your body. Close your eyes. What do you feel? Is there a tightness in your throat? An ache in your heart or a tension in your head? Connect to that sensation and bring all your focus to that part of your body. It may have a color, it may tingle or have some kind of physical sensation. Stay with it.
- Imagine this part as a young child. Connect to it, and move slowly towards it with love and say, “I see you. I’m here.” Imagine holding it with care and fully looking it in the “eyes” or the center of whatever shape it has formed.
- Ask this part what it needs. Listen with your whole being and thank this part. Let them know you are here and will return any time it needs connection, or to be heard.
- Bring healing light to this part. Whether you imagine a vibrant light from above, or a nourishing energy from the earth, allow your whole being to be infused with this healing light. Breathe deeply three times, and when you feel ready, slowly open your eyes and take whatever time you need in nature, by yourself, or journaling. Be super gentle and if you have had someone with you, just ask for their understanding and care, as you are processing.
So much of our suffering really comes from a lack of connection.
And that connection always begins with ourselves. So many of us have been taught to disconnect from our inner world by our caregivers, or have disconnected from our bodies in desperate needs for safety.
It’s been LEARNED.
AND it can be unlearned. You contain the multitudes and you are miracle. Your inner world is a magical place of scared alchemy, and regardless of the conflict, there is a peace within that will come when you step towards harmony.
When you take steps and create a practice that allows for full honesty; full transparency of all that is alive within you.
And it’s vital to understand that this includes screaming. It includes rage, sadness, devastation and fear. All those feelings we have been taught to “rush” through.
All are welcome here.
So, let yourself scream.
Let yourself express, and do this in a safe container.
And then turn slowly towards this energy so it can transform. Tears can actually be a release of cortisol. Pretty profound, right?
You are a magical being. One fully capable of transforming even the most turbulent storm. And it is being able to self connect and accept all that is chaotic within you that will allow you to move through the world with far more peace and ease.
Your scream for connection is a reclaiming of your humanity, so let it out.
Let it out!