Today I want to talk about that moment when you want something so badly and it’s not happening. I’m going to teach you a power tool and then share with you what I saw on the beach, as a perfect example. It stopped me cold!
When we want something so badly, it can be very consuming. And most of the time, we wanted it yesterday.
This could be finding your life partner, booking that perfect gig, getting published, or achieving some big goal that has been burning in your heart for what feels like forever.
And you are doing everything you know to do!
So why the HECK is it not happening?
When you put your best efforts forward and are still not seeing the results you want, what is the next step?
How do you stay empowered and rooted in your confidence when you feel so frustrated?
Release your timeline.
When you are very focused on a goal, on a specific result or destination, you may find yourself deciding your timeline is correct. For instance, if you said, I have to get published or book my first Broadway show by a certain age, or I have to find my life partner this year, you’ve created a timeline that is absolute. Because there is so much effort, you can start to believe that your idea of when the result should arrive is right. What’s more, if the result is not happening by that time you have decided, you start to believe something is wrong.
And that can lead to believing what you are doing is wrong, and ultimately you are wrong.
When you spiral into the belief you are wrong, your confidence weakens, and you find yourself stuck and discouraged. And you may say to yourself, “I don’t deserve for this to happen.”
This spiral cuts you from your power, and today I want to help you turn that spiral around.
Let me give you an example of how.
I love bird watching. It fills me with so much joy and is very important to me. This time of year in the Northern Hemisphere is migration season, and for living in NJ, that means seeing some very colorful and exciting birds I don’t have the opportunity of seeing at any other time. Because of that, I set aside days to go birding at special hot spots to make the most of the opportunity, as it’s really just about a month or so of peak birding.
Two weekends ago, I went to Sandy Hook and was very excited because they have an endangered species there, the Piping Plover. Conservationists have marked off areas on the beach specifically for breeding. I’ve only seen a Piping Plover one other time in my life, so I was so excited to see them on this sunny Saturday.
My husband and I walked along another trail first for several hours, so when we got to the beach in search of the Plovers, we didn’t have as much time left. It was now or never.
There were several breeding areas, and the beach was long. I scanned what I could with my binoculars, but didn’t see anything. Looking at the expanse of the beach, I felt overwhelmed. We didn’t have the time to walk the full beach, and what if they weren’t even there?
I could feel tension mounting all over my body. Where were they? Did this mean I wouldn’t see them? I wanted to shout to the heavens, bring me the Piping Plovers!!
As the tension mounted, I could feel how attached and tunnel visioned I was becoming. This wasn’t how I wanted to spend my time doing something I love. I could see all the warning signs of my spiral, so I took a breath and literally let go of the timeline.
If I didn’t see them today, it was ok.
I was ok.
And right at that moment, I looked at the sand and saw some movement. When I put my binoculars up, I found myself face to face with not one, but TWO Piping Plovers. There were right in front of me. They weren’t in the breeding grounds. They were right there all along.
And because I let go and released my timeline, I could see them.
Timelines can be self imposed prisons, and in most cases are based on what other people think is acceptable. They can turn into harmful ways to judge ourselves and believe we are not enough.
It’s important to recognize with any large goal, any fearless vision you have, that there are SO many factors alive at once. There are other people, other events, and ultimately a lot that is out of your control.
And especially if your fearless vision is big, to recognize it may take TIME to manifest.
The time it takes is NOT a reflection of your worth, or your confidence.
I’ve been to so many beaches over the years where Piping Plovers had been spotted, but didn’t see any. Yet, the vision stayed alive, and the key to rooting back into my confidence, was simply reminding myself I am ok regardless.
And in other areas of my life, I can remember how I wanted to find my life partner so badly after my divorce, but it would take four and a half years before that first date that changed my life. And quite honestly, I am so grateful for that time, because the truth was I wasn’t ready to receive him until then. I had created a self imposed timeline that was more based on what I thought “should” be happening, as opposed to trusting divine timing that would ultimately be right for me.
Just like those Plovers sitting in the sand. Tears fell down my face as I looked at them, because the moment was a vital teacher, a loving reminder to TRUST a greater timing, instead of imposing what I think is “right.”
So, here are a few quick steps to take the next time you are feeling really frustrated and starting to beat yourself up.
- Take a breath, literally. Take several. When we get hyper-focused, we create an enormous amount of tension in our bodies, and tension thrives on speed. Slow down your nervous system by taking several deep breaths.
- Place your hand on your heart and give yourself simple circular massage, allowing the space to open.
- Open and close your fists several times to feel a release of tension, and let your fingers splay wide open, then relax.
- Ask yourself, “What am I making this result mean about myself? Is that really true or what I’ve been told?”
- Bring compassion to that part that feels you are failing. You can even imagine wrapping them in a warm hug.
- Bring forward a small win, something you have experienced on this path towards your fearless vision. And end by infusing love back into your vision.
There is a reason this means so much. Allow that to be fed and nourished. Feel free to journal if you find this helpful, and let any emotions come. As I shared, I cried on the beach. That was part of my release.
See your personal timelines for what they are, and return to your greatest power.
The ability to reconnect to being ok, no matter what.
Then you will be able to see what is right in front of you, and embrace your divine path.