HOW did you do it?

I’m being asked this a lot right now.  I’ve been interviewed by two love experts, and had many women reach out in response to my love story.

Friends and family are reflecting back such loving remarks, reflecting back my inner glow, and something deeper,


My story has been one of struggle, heartache, and wild discovery.  It began with a bonfire, and then slowly I built from the ashes.

Much slower than I thought…..

Yesterday, while being interviewed by my first love coach, I had a moment of,
Is this really me??

I remember watching endless interviews, seeing other success stories and wanting to dissect every THING they did to find love.

What were their steps?
What did they do that I wasn’t doing?

And now here I am, sharing the success…..

A total reversal!

Have you ever felt this way?

Watched your favorite artist, leaning in to every word they say, wanting to know HOW did they do it?

Wouldn’t you LOVE to know the secret of their success and how you can achieve the same?


Those who are successful overcome their fears and take action.  Those who aren’t, submit to their fears and live with regrets.
-Jay Z


I remember coming into my acupuncturist’s office last year, crying about another disappointment, another man I had dated who was unavailable.  I was feeling lonely and something deeper,


She looked at me lovingly and said,
You’re not giving up.  You keep going.

I felt a calm in my heart because she was right.  I had my vision in place, I knew what I wanted.  Yes, I was lying on the table with tears streaming down my face, but the commitment was still there.

We can experience disappointment and still work towards our dreams.

Your disappointments do not define you.  They are the reaction to what matters.  Allow them to rise and fall.  They are not permanent.


I had a choice, to stand still or move forward.  To let things happen or make things happen.  Every day I wake up, I make a choice not to let the world decide for me. I decide for me.  I decide to get going.


My simple answer for HOW I did it, is the same for all successes.

I didn’t give up, and I had support.

With each wall I came up against, I took it as a moment to reflect, regroup, and try again.

I had a LOT to learn, after being married for 15 years, and going on my first date EVER at 38.

It can be easy to think success just happens, but it’s really a testament to time and effort put in.

And a deeper willingness to look at WHAT is actually happening in your Creative life.

What are your results right now?

Can you take your ego out of the equation, and ask simply,
Am I showing up?
Is this working?

If you are hitting up against the same wall over and over, there is a REASON, and the wall is there to stop you so you can make a NEW choice.

Release the judgment against yourself.
Stop making yourself wrong, or bad.

Shaming will stop you every time.  Let’s break out a Beyonce tune and move you forward instead.

Come back to your vision of what you want to do with your Art.

Who is the Artist you want to be?


This past weekend, my man surprised me with a romantic getaway weekend.  He drove me to this picturesque town right on the border of Pennsylvania and New Jersey, taking me to an incredible bed and breakfast right on the water. And the name?

New Hope

I was transported back to the woman who felt so hopeless and unloved, lying in the dark in acupuncture.  The woman who’s heart was broken, feeling so rejected.

I could have given up.
I could have believed feeling hopeless was permanent.
I could have decided my vision wasn’t possible.

And trust me…there were MANY days I wanted to.

But in every moment, I reached out for help, and was CURIOUS, and I didn’t do this alone.

As I stood in the sunshine staring at the bed and breakfast and saw my man’s wide and loving smile, I was struck at the change. Struck at where I began and where I stood now. And one of my favorite poems came to me,

Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul,
and sings the tune without the words
and never stops at all.

-Emily Dickinson

This is my invitation for you.

Stay in Discovery.
Don’t give up.

Bust out your inner Beyonce, and be curious around your fears.

New Hope awaits, for you and your Art.

Make the choice today so that you can have the success you desire.



Photography: Caitlin Cannon Photography

©2019 NikolRogers | Design by Rachel Pesso | Caitlin Cannon Photography