I’m scared.
I’m scared I’ll fall…..
I’ve been waiting for this day.
I’ve been placing so much energy and effort on this vision and dream, and now that it’s here…
I’m terrified.
Will I be able to deliver?
Will I be able to show up?
and most of all…
If I’m no longer working so hard for this…then, WHAT am I doing?
Have you felt like this?
You’ve been on the sidelines for years, working so hard to build your fans and audience, slaving on your artistic craft just waiting for that moment to stand in the spotlight, and then when the day arrives…
Your throat closes
You question yourself
You hesitate
What the HECK is going on??
Why aren’t you rushing the light and basking in the glow?
Trust me, I get it.
I’ve been putting every ounce of energy into one goal for the past four and half years, and it’s here, it’s bloomed into fruition, beyond my wildest dreams.
You see….I’m in love.
And not just “oh let’s see where this goes” kind of love….it’s life partnership love. This is the epic love I have been waiting and working for. This is the love I have dreamt about, and visualized about, and gone on countless dates for.
A soulmate love, the kind that nourishes and expands.
The love that made me hire two coaches, two therapists, a tantra healer, a feng shui expert, and start meditating.
Yes…I’ve been BUSY.
And it’s bringing up all my fears and doubts.
And I couldn’t be more grateful. Thank goodness!
So, I imagine right now, you are saying,
Why would I WANT my fears and doubts to come up, Nikol? That sounds totally counter-intuitive!
Quite simply, because you need to know what is playing underneath to create change.
If you want to be able to own the spotlight with confidence, there’s one final step you need to take.
CLAIM IT.
Earlier this year, I had several powerful sessions with a healer here in Manhattan named Kristina Kincaid.
She took me through a gestalt exercise where she placed my dreams and desires in a tangible object and placed it in front of me.
The object? A pillow.
It was a long haired, soft, and large pillow. Inviting, warm, and yet, when she placed it at my feet, I was terrified to pick it up.
I started to shake…..this pillow represented so much…epic love, a family, my deepest desires coming true…and I felt absolutely frozen in my spot.
I was afraid of what would happen.
And as the tears streamed down my face, I realized what was really playing underneath…
I was afraid I would be rejected.
But, if I’ve learned anything in the past four years since my divorce, it’s this,
Step through the fear, because change waits on the other side.
So, I bent down and picked up the pillow….and a miracle happened.
The tears stopped
I began to breath deeper
I felt an enormous sense of relief
The world didn’t come crashing down, or the skies open and lightning strike me for taking this action.
There was no booming voice from the heavens saying
What are you DOING??
You don’t deserve this!
This is wrong!!
In fact, I felt so much more clear, and hopeful. I felt more certain and secure.
I had NO idea how much this fear of rejection had been running the show!
The scariest part was actually taking the action, because it meant I had to let go of the old story.
The old story that I will be rejected if I claim and own my dreams.
Turns out…it’s just a story, and in picking up the pillow, I could feel through my whole body an enormous freedom and relief.
And I met my man two weeks later.
What story is running underneath that’s keeping you from claiming your dreams?
Who would you be if you actually did:
Become a NY Times Bestseller
Give a TED Talk
Book your Broadway Show
Be Featured Globally for your Art
Perform to a Sold Out Auditorium
I imagine you would be someone very different than the creative standing frozen, staring at the pillow in front of you.
And the beautiful truth is, that Creative is inside you now, just waiting for you to pick it up.
Pick it up and claim your dream.
Claim your ABILITY, and OWN your brilliance.
The spotlight isn’t there to burn, it’s there to illuminate.
The fear is actually PART OF the process and proof of how much it means to you.
So, take this leap, and watch your old stories fade away.