Do you ever feel like you are going down the same road again and again?
Another rejection letter
Cut from another audition
Another Closed door in your face
You put yourself out there time and again, with your Art, and it feels as if your heart is being trampled.
You put so much of yourself into your work, so the sting of rejection FEELS so strong.
And it can be disheartening.
You imagine a different road…
One where the publisher says YES
One where everything flows
One where your fans are raving for your next piece of work
One where you are booking your dream gigs
That’s the road you want to be on, right?
So, how come with ALL your effort, you feel as though you are driving down the SAME road again and again?
You feel like screaming,
I NEVER want to be on this road again!
I get it…….I was just there……
Last week was a big moment for me. I was meeting my boyfriend’s parents for the first time.
While it has been decades since I have been in this position, the nerves were still there. I’m head over heels in love with my man, so I wanted everything to go well.
Thanksgiving has been a holiday of transition for me. For years, it was the sources of family and love. And then, five years ago, it turned into the darkest moment of my life when my former husband told me he wanted to end our marriage…on Thanksgiving Day.
I had spent almost 18 years spending every Thanksgiving in Pennsylvania with my former in-laws, and now returned to having the holiday with my parents in Virginia. In transition, it took 3-4 years for me to find joy on the day again.
This year marked the first time I would be spending the holiday away from Virginia, and with my new man.
The original plan was to go to his parents’, who live in upstate New York, but a month before Thanksgiving, his sister decided to host.
His sister lives in Pennsylvania.
The irony was not lost on me, and I thought how insane it was that after 18 years of Pennsylvania Thanksgivings, I was returning to a similar place…..in love…..but with a new man, and meeting a new family..
We hopped in the car from New Jersey last Tuesday and began the drive down the road to his sister’s.
Energy was high, and we cranked the radio, singing along to fun tunes. We got on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, and then I saw it…
The sign.
We were about to drive through the town my ex in-laws lived in.
I suddenly realized his sister’s home was only 20 minutes down the road from where I had spent most of my adult holidays.
I became very quiet, and could feel tears welling. I hadn’t been down this road in six years.
In fact, I had purposely done everything I could, to NEVER go down this road again.
This road was full of painful memories.
This road reminded me of the rejection.
And then I looked up and saw the hotel I stayed in with my wedding party……
And I burst into tears.
The next morning, I woke up, and just let everything out. I allowed every feeling to arise, and began to have clarity.
When the divorce went down, only one member of my old in-laws stood up for me, fighting for the marriage.
Everyone else turned their back, and went silent. That had been my family for 19 years, and I was devastated. I wasn’t only losing my marriage, I was losing a huge family that I loved.
Driving down the road again, all of that came up, and it was made even more alive, because I was on the road to meet a NEW family….one that I deeply want to be a part of.
And I realized,
I have no control.
I have no control over what this new family thinks or does.
I have no control over what my boyfriend does.
So, while it scares me to my core that I may find myself at a crossroads again, my only choice is simple:
To love.
And recognizing my fear and releasing control brought a huge wave of relief over me.
And I was free, not only to have a deeply connecting Thanksgiving with my boyfriend’s family, but release the past that had been choking me off.
Thanksgiving in Pennsylvania again, and yet COMPLETELY different.
Same road, different ME.
Best-selling author Tim Ferriss, who has sold millions of books, recently shared he was rejected by 27 publishers before his first YES.
Oscar Winning Actor Tom Hanks became an overnight success after 10 years in the business.
Rejection can be brutal, especially for Artists.
But the question is, what are you making it mean?
Who are you being IN the rejection?
What is on that ROAD you find yourself time and time again?
It can be so easy to AVOID what is right before us, instead of asking,
What is to be LEARNED?
I thought there was a cruel joke being played on me, as we whisked down the Pennsylvania Turnpike, and yet, in hindsight, I see how re-visiting that road was the final piece of healing for me to fully embrace Thanksgiving again.
I NEEDED to go down that road.
I was scared to do it, and yet it brought me back to what matters, and allowed me to release control.
Rejection WILL occur. Anyone who tells you otherwise, run the other way.
So, place your energy on your Art, and how you can grow, not on trying to control every rejection out there.
Your freedom as an Artist lies in your ability to grow, to change, and to persevere.
Your freedom as an Artist comes from connection to your heart, to your LOVE of Art.
This is what makes you Unstoppable.
Pay homage to your journey, and open to your road. There is gold here for you.
Release control over the external rejection.
Same road, fearless YOU.
Photography: Caitlin Cannon Photography