It’s that time of year.

Already you are hearing carols playing in all the stores, and perhaps you are planning a trip to enjoy large amounts of turkey and stuffing.

Regardless of your belief system or faith, one thing this time of year has in common is gathering with family and friends.

For some, that can feel deeply connecting and joyous, and for others, highly stressful.

Returning to our family of origin can be a mirror that we wish we could shatter.  With so much pressure to make it the “most wonderful time of the year” or “filled with gratitude”, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and like we would rather hide in the bathroom or just disappear into our phones during these gatherings.

If you don’t feel excited and jazzed, this time of year can be deeply isolating and ultimately very lonely.

Bright lights, flashing signs, and a societal expectation to be happy can be super draining.

And it can really sap you of your power.
Drain you of your confidence.

So, before the turkey is placed on the table (if you celebrate Thanksgiving) or you accept any invitations to a holiday gathering whether with friends, colleagues or family, I have something for you to reclaim your power this holiday season.

Whether you are an introvert, going through a healing phase, just don’t want to fight with your family anymore, or finding you require more quiet time, this is for you.

The Four Immeasurables.

Also known as the the Four Boundless Qualities or Bramaviharas, they are virtues that have no measure: equanimity, love, compassion, and joy. They are limitless because they point to the most affirming, wholesome and loving way to relate to ourselves and others.

Meaning, when you find yourself in challenging situations, you now have a powerful and divine practice to create peace.

What if Uncle Bob doesn’t trigger your anger this holiday?
What if your family’s overly curious questions about your life just bounce off of you?
What if that annoying colleague suddenly appears humorous instead of making you grind your teeth?

The Four Immeasurables are a practice of transformation. They are a practice of inner change, and a reclamation of your power.

Instead of feeling helpless to the questions, pressure, and intense energy of the season, you can ground back into your being, and ground back into these four limitless qualities.

In turn, grounding back to how limitless YOU are within.

I’m going to take you through a version of this practice, one you can use as many times as you need this holiday season to come back to your power and reclaim your peace.

And I am being VERY intentional to begin this practice with you, with your present state of being.  Our whole world is perceived through our consciousness and how reactive we are is a reflection of how connected we are to our power.

If we continue to rely on other people in our lives to feel peace, we will never fully relax. Too often I’ve seen this practice used as a way of bypassing, which ultimately creates more internal damage and just leaves you believing you are not enough and able to handle any conflict.

So, we will put the oxygen mask on you FIRST, before we offer these qualities to our loved ones.

  • Begin by taking three deep breaths. Allow yourself to settle. If you have a gathering coming up, allow some time prior to go through this practice. For the sake of today, let’s practice together so you can have an experience without the pressure of having to “get it right” or “perform” in front of your family and friends. Drop into your body and place your hand on your heart or belly, or both.
  • Now imagine a warm light shining on you and filling you up.  With this warmth, say out loud: 

May my good fortune increase
May I be happy
May I be free of shame and suffering
May I be free of attachment and aversion

Truly wish this for yourself in your heart.

  • Now imagine all the parts of you inside. The parts that are excited to be gathering for the holidays, the parts that are dreading it, the parts that feel closed and indifferent, and the parts that just want to connect with your family free of judgement and pressure. Imagine them all within your body. You may feel them like a sensation in your chest, neck, or belly….a tension in your head, or actually see them in your mind’s eye, younger parts of you calling to be loved. Imagine you are all together, and wish them AND you:

May our good fortune increase
May we be happy
May we be free of shame and suffering
May we be free of attachment and aversion

Truly wish this for ALL parts of you.

  • Now bring to mind someone you find mildly irritating who will be at the gathering. Imagine them in front of you suffering and struggling.  See them feeling the same frustration or loneliness you feel, and wish for them:

May your good fortune increase
May you be happy
May you be free of shame and suffering
May you be free of attachment and aversion

Truly wish this for them. See them soften around the edges.

  • Now imagine you, all of your inner parts, and the person you have felt challenged by all sitting around a campfire. Imagine you are in a circle of warmth, a circle of light, and wish for all of them AND you:

May our good fortune increase
May we be happy
May we be free of shame and suffering
May we be free of attachment and aversion

FEEL this wish in your heart, in your being for all within the circle.

Repeat as needed. Breath deeply three times, and check in.

How do you feel?

When you imagine going to this gathering, what are you noticing in your body now?

The beautiful thing about the Four Immeasurables is that you don’t have to be a enlightened yogi or monk to practice them. These qualities are actually your very nature, so you can practice them “as you are.”.  When you are connected to wishing well for yourself, then you can wish well for others.

Standing rooted in compassion for your well being will transform your interactions and allow you to create space and boundaries in high pressure situations where you once felt powerless.

Perhaps you say no to the invitation to gorge on sweets, alcohol, and mashed potatoes. Or perhaps you decide to only stay for an hour.

But you can enter the gathering in peace, and leave the same, releasing any blame on who was there and what they said.

It all begins and ends with you. This is where your power lies.

May this be helpful for your holiday season.
May this be a loving balm for your tender heart.

Practice “as you are”, and reclaim your true nature.


This is where your transformation and power lie.

©2019 NikolRogers | Design by Rachel Pesso | Caitlin Cannon Photography